Author: parkeithard

This awkwardness

As I sit here is the awkwardness that has become my marriage I cant help but reminisce about how things got here. Now let me make 1 thing clear before I go on… there is not o e thing that lead to having my little boy I would change. He is my whole entire world. I now look back and wonder if I made the right choice by getting married. There are so many things I didn’t know about him. And now that all of those things have come to light I keep questioning my choices. I 100% regret quitting my job. I feel so stuck so this marriage. My husband has anger issues, control issues. We view life very differently. I try to find the good in things and be optimistic. He is the opposite of that. Everything is a disaster, the end of the world. He doesnt find joy in anything it feels like. I dont wanna live my life in that negative light. The biggest issue is financial. We are by no means poor. We are only a 1 income family because I stay home with our son. That was a decision we made together. He wanted me to quit my job long before I did. But now we always argue over money. To him money is the most important thing in the world. For me it’s not. He has a very hard time dealing with any issues that come up that involve money. From we spend to much on groceries (I aim for $100 a week for 3 people) to our car insurance is too high. He thinks we have a horrible amount of debt, we have about $9500 and $9000 of that is our car loan. But he tends to forget why we have this car loan, he totaled my paid off honda civic I had before we got married. He thinks I miss handle paying the bills and i am hiding money from him. But we wont sit down and look thru the bank statements with me. I have told him if I am miss handling the money then he can take over making the payments, and I get told no I dont have time or no it’s not my job. The criticism doesnt stop there. He talks about how I keep house, which I get no help in. How and what meals I cook, but will give me no ideas on what he wants. How I deal with our son, he believe he is autistic. He is speech delayed and currently in speech therapy and occupational therapy. He gets his evaluation done one Thursday with a pediatric neuropsychologist. Now my husband tells me all the time how stressed out and overwhelmed our son makes him. To even things like my driving. I drive 99% of the time we go anywhere together and he complains I am too safe when driving. I have told him if you dont like how I drive then you drive. But he feels he is entitled to tell me these things. And I am not supposed to say anything back in defense. The worst is when we argue and he gets mad at me. He says sick mean hurtful things on purpose. He loses his cool and says anything and everything to me, from name calling to threats. Now he has never hit me or anything like that. But when he gets mad I get scared. And of course our son gets scared and runs to me. And that just makes things worse. So this has been going on for 2 days straight, the yelling and name calling and threats. He is working nights right now and today he got up early and sat in the living room on his phone. I wanted desperately to go into another room but my son wanted to do puzzles at the table. So here we sit in the awkwardness that is our marriage right now and I cant help but wonder… where did things go so wrong? And what do i do now?